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All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.

In zen terms we are all just molecules. There's no difference between me and the table, me and a tree, me and Madonna...

What is all this whining about 'loving' and 'sharing' and not being whole without a partner? Let me tell you, I don't need anyone. I am quite capable of self-fulfilment.

Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

Look, sweetheart, I can drink you under any goddamn table you want, so don't worry about me.

Look, sweetheart, I can drink you under any goddamn table you want, so don't worry about me.

David Mills: Wait, I thought all you did was kill innocent people. John Doe: Innocent? Is that supposed to be funny? An obese man... a disgusting man who could barely stand up; a man who if you saw him on the street, you'd point him out to your friends so that they could join you in mocking him; a man, who if you saw him while you were eating, you wouldn't be able to finish your meal. After him, I picked the lawyer and I know you both must have been secretly thanking me for that one. This is a man who dedicated his life to making money by lying with every breath that he could muster to keeping murderers and rapists on the streets! David Mills: Murderers? John Doe: A woman... David Mills: Murderers, John, like yourself? John Doe: [interrupts] A woman... so ugly on the inside she couldn't bear to go on living if she couldn't be beautiful on the outside. A drug dealer, a drug dealing pederast, actually! And let's not forget the disease-spreading whore! Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face. But that's the point. We see a deadly sin on every street corner, in every home, and we tolerate it. We tolerate it because it's common, it's trivial. We tolerate it morning, noon, and night. Well, not anymore. I'm setting the example. What I've done is going to be puzzled over and studied and followed... forever.

The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any of the slopes were gonna get their greasy yellow hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this watch, up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.

So you want a heart? You don't know how luck you are not to have one...Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable

Ladies and gentlemen, this tall drink of water headed my way is a pillar of the shopping community who informed me earlier today of a nefarious plan of his to screw my girlfriend in an extremely uncomfortable place.

We're not a respectable network. We're a whorehouse network, and we have to take whatever we can get.

Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable but that is called caniblism and is frowned upon in many societies.

Well, ya see, sir I understand you're lookin' for sparrin' partners for Apollo, and I jus' want ta let ya know that I am very available.

Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker.

"At least you'll never be a vegetable - even artichokes have hearts."

Eva, stop bugging me, will you? You know, this is the way we eat in America. I got my meat, I got my potatoes, I got my vegetables, I got my dessert, and I don't even have to wash the dishes.

Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage

A good conspiracy is unprovable. I mean, if you can prove it, it means they screwed up somewhere along the line.

Anyone who spends a significant amount of time with me finds me disagreeable

Any last words before I blow your brains out you miserable prick?

Sometimes reality is too complex for oral communication. But legend embodies it in a form which enables it to spread all over the world

Men are like parking spaces: all the good ones are taken, and the available ones are handicapped.

Well, I see what you mean. Very interesting. Make no mistake, I shall regret the absence of your keen mind; unfortunately, it is inseparable from an extremely disturbing body.

Even the best laid plans can go wrong sometimes, surely by now you might have been able to realise the truth of that?

Beyond reasonable doubt; well when you ask that question is there anything that is beyond reasonable doubt?

How about you slip into something more comfortable, like a few drinks and some Chinese food?

Once with Gable and Tracy and the joint fell apart!

When I find Elmore Silk, I hope I will be able to get very rich indeed!

That house is not fit to live in. No one's been able to live in it. It doesn't want people

Not every conquest is quite so pleasurable as this one...


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