Quotes:Someone has been pissing on my Gamecube and I'm about to close the case.
He couldn't get his judges appointed. He had trouble getting his legislation passed, and he lost Republican control of the Senate. His approval ratings in the polls began to sink. He was already beginning to look like a lame duck president. With everything going wrong, he did what any of us would do. He went... on vacation.
Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.
Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do I owe the extreme pleasure of this surprising visit?
We have no secrets from our readers. Mr. Thatcher is one of our most devoted readers, Mr. Bernstein. He knows what's wrong with every issue since I've taken charge.
Homeless people don't go missing, homeless people are missing.
That's enough singing for now, lads... looks like there's dirty work afoot.
We bury our sins here, Dave. We wash them clean.
You Americans, you're all the same. Always overdressing for the wrong occasions.
It is an army bred for a single purpose, to destroy the world of men. They will be here by nightfall.
If he loved you with all the power of his soul for a whole lifetime, he couldn't love you as much as I do in a single day.
[singing]
I like to move it, move it.
She like to move it, move it.
He like to move it, move it.
You like to...
Move it!
David Mills: Wait, I thought all you did was kill innocent people.
John Doe: Innocent? Is that supposed to be funny? An obese man... a disgusting man who could barely stand up; a man who if you saw him on the street, you'd point him out to your friends so that they could join you in mocking him; a man, who if you saw him while you were eating, you wouldn't be able to finish your meal. After him, I picked the lawyer and I know you both must have been secretly thanking me for that one. This is a man who dedicated his life to making money by lying with every breath that he could muster to keeping murderers and rapists on the streets!
David Mills: Murderers?
John Doe: A woman...
David Mills: Murderers, John, like yourself?
John Doe: [interrupts] A woman... so ugly on the inside she couldn't bear to go on living if she couldn't be beautiful on the outside. A drug dealer, a drug dealing pederast, actually! And let's not forget the disease-spreading whore! Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face. But that's the point. We see a deadly sin on every street corner, in every home, and we tolerate it. We tolerate it because it's common, it's trivial. We tolerate it morning, noon, and night. Well, not anymore. I'm setting the example. What I've done is going to be puzzled over and studied and followed... forever.
Be it a rock or a grain of sand, in water they sink the same.
I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Now you listen to me, I'm an advertising man, not a red herring. I've got a job, a secretary, a mother, two ex-wives and several bartenders that depend upon me, and I don't intend to disappoint them all by getting myself "slightly" killed
Short of the outbreak of World War Three, the ship sinking... being attacked by a giant octopus, I'd like to be undisturbed for the next thirty minutes.
Ladies and gentlemen, you have been judged guilty of sinning against our almighty God, and I promise you, you shall pay for your trespasses, in blood!
I keep seeing these people, all recognizing each other. Something is passing between them all, some secret. It's a conspiracy, I know it.
No, sir, I'm afraid not, no sir. I yielded the floor once before, if you can remember, and I was practically never heard of again. No sir. And we might as well all get together on this yielding business right off the bat, now.
Did you know my great-great-grandpappy fought the measles? Yup, there's been a Jones on the force ever since my ancestors came up on the umbilical cord
All right, since you're all not going to eat, I'm going to try some of everything
"I haven't been this excited since Gucci became a publicly traded company!"
Do you know the difference between brown-nosing and ass-kissing? Depth perception.
One day, when my mother and father were singing together in the forest, a great storm blew up out of nowhere.
The eternal struggle between good and evil, saint and sinners... but you are still not having fun!
Marriage is just a way of getting out of an embarrassing pause in conversation.
How's the rat business?
Well, actually it's mostly students I'm experimenting on now.
Looks like you've been missing quite a bit of work lately.
Almost all French aristocrats have, how do you say it... liaison with their cousins, yes?
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